I am not getting on a soap box to say social media is evil, and is ruining human relationships, I feel like the opposite can be true of it. I know some of the people I am closest with at this point I first connected with through facebook. I am also seeing some of the down sides of social media (mostly facebook) and how it effects our relationships and interactions while being introspective about my mood, and emotions.
When I open my facebook I always fight the urge to post a status about how I am feeling. Why? Well, because I do not want to post how I am truly feeling, or what I am truly thinking. I want people to think I am 'ok'. So posting, "god, couldn't get out of bed, I have no will to live, but my children forced me awake" is not going to get my desired message across. I will also occasionally think throughout the day to post what I have accomplished, but I talk myself out of it because I am not trying to say "look at me, I'm so productive", because I can accomplish the same feeling by writing my accomplishments on a piece of paper, and feel just a productive, then throw the paper away and I cleaned up AGAIN.
I try to be cautious in what I post because I know everyone is reading it from their perspective of me, and their emotions of their day. It seems more difficult to me to read other's emotions in their status, or shared article, or meaningful quote, than it would be to understand their emotion if they were in my living room talking to me. Just like everyone else I read everything others post through my heightened emotion. It can seem pretty harmless to the poster, but because I am working through something that day, I can be extremely hurt by a simple post that is meant to help another person, why don't I get "helpful" posts? Or a celebratory post, why is my husband's birth never a reason to recognize the wonderful child his mother brought into this world? Or just a post about a craving or indulgence, why is everyone posting about Starbucks while my husband looks for alternate ways to pay our bills? I am not under the impression that the world revolves around me... no matter how much I would like it to, it never will. At least not for EVERYONE (my boys think I'm pretty awesome). But facebook rubs that in my face. Points out that this battle I fight is completely me against the invisible demons. Shows me that it is true, you can have over 300 "friends" and still only know the middles names of 10 of them, only remember 3 or their birthdays (without facebook help), only know the daily struggles of 5 of them, and know that you can only count on maybe 8 or 9 of them being there for you when you REALLY need it.
Sometime I wonder why I still have an account on facebook, then I see all the fluffy good advice memes, and contemplate how they apply to my life... no, not really, I judge the person who posted it, and wonder if they see the contradiction their life holds against the meme they just posted...not every time maybe, but pretty often that is my reaction. How many times do you judge people by what they post? By which agenda they support? By how many times they "check-in" at certain businesses? By their lack of an educated opinion (in your "humble" opinion)? I think that another detriment to using social media to satiate our hunger for community is we can build our own community that agrees with all of our meme beliefs. I think it eliminates the opportunity for salons, discussions, and debates. Instead we all post a meme, backed up by a website, and punctuated with a "hell yeah!" on our part. Notice I am not eliminating myself, I am guilty of fluffy memes, removing people from my feed who "annoy" me because I don't agree with them, and judging people by what they post.
What does this whole tirade have to do with my healing journey, well, I think that it is about time that I turn my facebook into something a little more healthy for me. I feel like it is a tool to communicate with people and keep in touch with loved ones who are a bit removed from my immediate area or unable to use a phone or car to initiate communication with me. I feel like it is important for me to develop relationships outside of this social media site before people are able to view my posts. I also feel that it is important for me to censor what I am seeing.
Please do not feel slighted if I "unfriend" you, or if you can not see my content, know it means I would like to become closer with you on real life level before we connect virtually so I know how to interpret what you post, and you can understand more what I post.
I feel this same way, almost daily. It's what my rare in my own words & not attached to a link most recent update was about. I have deactivated & deleted. Both x's for over a year. Granted, this was before FB allowed you all the cool new settings of ignoring & setting limitations... I prolly wlda kept it tbh.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm glad I didn't. It was a good lesson. I felt less aggravated & spent more time doing more important & meaningful things, but I was lonelier. No one attempted to get at me (well, 1 whole person, besides you guys). They all had my info. I made sure of it & even updated w/ the info saying I was going to be deleting soon.
I now have a total of like 55 "friends" ... 45 of which is family, lol. & only that one original friend do I still talk to regularly on FB & outside of thru text or email (she lives out of state now). The rest are just a few ppl I have always had good convos w/ & we share Mommyhood & they were my BFFs at some point in time. I'm fine w/ it tho. I have always kept a tight circle. I don't let many ppl in & I tend to push ppl away at times even.
I now have a slightly random FB name. No personal pics visible to the public. & Yet still, I feel I can't post whatever or just be myself. I question everything I post. I think of how someone, like you, might respond. & not in a bitter way, but a concerned way. Bc I have been on the other side of that & it sucks! & I think that says a lot about you! That like myself, You are putting others into consideration & on such a personal level. Being drastic & different & bluntly honest tends to freak ppl out maybe, idk. But this has been my experience. I find every blog you post so relevant to my own crap. It's crazy. ((Hugs))